‘RISE helped when no one else did’

RISE saved my life when I was at one of my lowest ebbs.

I was in a bad place when I went to RISE and was struggling with my mental health. I’d been referred to different counsellors and it felt like I was going round in circles, that I was in the too hard basket and no one had time for me.

Eventually my GP referred me to RISE. I’d never heard of RISE, and I was the most nervous I’ve ever been when I turned up to my first appointment. But RISE Clinician Michiel put me at ease, he truly listened to me and told me he could help.

One of the things that makes RISE stand out for me is RISE Clinicians are so well trained and confident. No one is afraid of what you might tell them or puts you in the too hard basket. RISE genuinely wants to help and believes people can change.

Michiel asked me to tell him my story from the beginning and through him I learnt I was carrying trauma and PTSD after witnessing my mother and older brother suffering family violence in an incident when I was 18 months old. That trauma has lived with me pretty much to this day. My memories of that time are very vivid. I can recall all the colours in the house, the smells everything. I was shocked I could remember so much at that age, but it showed me young kids remember a lot.

Michiel helped me process what had happened, and the thoughts and feelings I was having. He gave me lots of tools and tricks to help me regulate my emotions. He got me on such a good track that when my sessions finished, I was always in a good mood.

Growing up with trauma

Because of my childhood trauma I had a lot of mental health struggles growing up. I had a lot of emotions, and triggers, I didn’t know how to deal with. I battled suicidal thoughts from a young age. I first attempted suicide when I was seven.

I never shared those big feelings I had when I was child with anyone. I couldn’t tell my mother as she always had a lot of medical issues and physical pain. She was an amazing single mum and I didn’t want to burden her, so I had to struggle by myself.

School was not a good fit for me. I have dyslexia and got labelled the naughty kid. I was also bullied at primary and secondary school, as I was a big boy. I used to eat a lot to hide my emotions.

To help with my suicidal feelings I started heavily drinking aged 11. My friend’s mum was an alcoholic so we raided her cupboard and filled up our drink bottles to drink on the ride to school. That was probably a daily occurrence for my last 18 months at primary school.

I didn’t drink at high school because you couldn’t really get away with it there. But once I was at High School, I started smoking marijuana and got into heavier drugs to numb the pain. I was also drinking heavily at the weekends and trying to hide that from mum.  

Learning a trade

I managed to make it all the way to Year 13 at High School, despite 90% of my teachers telling me I would never amount to anything.

Luckily, my English teacher took me under her wing. She was the only reason I made it through High School. She helped me get through English which was a big problem because of my dyslexia. I was good at maths though, and I love working with my hands.

My English teacher got me into a Gateway Programme and I learnt about aluminum joinery. I enjoyed it and picked it up quickly. I got asked to leave school eventually, because I got caught drinking at school. I was acting out because I wasn’t in a good space. When I left school, I got a job with a joinery company in Motueka and progressed quickly in my role. I did things I never thought possible in that role, and later at a company in Stoke, because I had always been told I would never amount to anything.

Hitting rock bottom

When I was 28, I split up with my long-term partner because I hadn’t dealt with my past. That was a really bad time for me, as it was also the first COVID-19 lock down period and I was stuck at home alone in my head. I spiraled and had suicidal thoughts I couldn’t stop and nearly acted on them.

At the exact same time I was really struggling, I found out a friend had committed suicide. His death hit me hard, he was connected to a lot of people in Motueka and I’d known him since school. His suicide made me realise I had to sort my shit out. I saw the aftermath of what happens when you commit suicide. That was the biggest catalyst for me to get help and process what I was going through.

Logan Blake, of Motueka, says RISE helped him when everyone else had put him in the too hard basket. He says RISE stands out because RISE clinicians are well trained, confident and genuinely want to help.

Photo: Amber Maxwell.

Using new tools

The tools that Michiel taught me pop into my head when I find myself in a situation when I need to use them. One thing I always remember Michiel explaining, and I use today as a youth worker, is the fizzy bottle analogy.

Michiel said to think of myself as a fizzy bottle. He asked me what happens if you continually shake that bottle and don’t take the lid off? It’s simple, it eventually explodes.

Michiel said – that’s just like you, when you keep shaking and you don’t let it out, you’re eventually going to explode. You have to crack that lid and let that pressure off, so you don’t explode.

Now every time I feel I’m emotional or angry, I know I can’t let that build up. I’ve had to find positive outlets, such as photography, instead of negative ones such as drinking that would lead me back down the same dark paths.

I’ve also learnt to remove myself from bad situations, to walk away. I used to be – ‘You want to go? Then let’s go’. Because that was the attitude I grew up around. Also, when I grew up, the man had to be a man. There was no crying, there was no being soft, you had to be hard. But, I’ve realised that gets you nowhere.

Big props to RISE

I can’t give any more props to RISE for how much they have helped me. That’s why I’m so eager to tell my story about how much RISE has helped me out.

After leaving RISE I leant on the tools Michiel taught me and it got me through some really tough times. I know I could have reached back out to RISE for more help, but because Michiel taught me so much I didn’t need to. I just dug deep and powered through. I’m confident in myself now and in my own mental health. I know I’m capable and I’ve got the tools.

I had to stop working as a joiner for health reasons, and got a job as a youth worker at The Spot Motueka. Working as a youth worker, was my childhood dream. I have always wanted to help other kids.

I’m in a great space, now. I have the most caring and supportive partner who understands me completely and doesn’t judge me. We have a young son, and she has a son to a previous partner.

I still have dark thoughts occasionally, but I know how to handle them when they pop into my head. I’ve started opening up about my mental health and a lot of friends have also opened up. We’ve created a little community in Motueka and there is a lot of people that have benefitted from other people opening up.

Everything I’ve learned at RISE I will continue to use moving forward. I tell everyone I meet going through a hard time - to go to RISE. Because it was the only place willing to help me when I needed it.