What is Family Violence?


Family violence covers a range of relationships including:

  •  Parent-child
  •  Child-parent
  •  Siblings
  •  Partners
  •  Intergenerational

Family violence is about an imbalance of power and control where one person continues to dominate the relationship. The following is a check list of signs you are in an abusive relationship.









Denying access to medical help




Hair pulling


Misuse of vehicle

Medicating you



  • Limiting or preventing access to family, friends, sports and hobbies
  • Limiting cultural connections, use of own language, celebrations, dress, returning home
  • Opening your mail


  • Limiting or preventing access to your faith or passion for life
  • Forcing their faith and passion for life on to you
  • Using religion as an excuse for the abuse


  • Putting you down
  • Belittling you, your weight, the way you dress
  • Withdrawing emotionally from the relationship, a wall of silence and coldness
  • Demanding more and more of your time
  • Living in fear


  • Playing mind games and shifting the goal posts in the relationship
  • Threatening or attempting suicide as a way of controlling you
  • Threatening to kill or harm you and others
  • Unpredictable behaviour from charm to harm
  • Minimising, denying and blaming the abuse


  • Force you to get a job
  • Prevent you from getting or keeping a job
  • Limit your access to money
  • Misuse of family assistance and other entitlements
  • Signing up overheads in your name and running into debt
  • Gambling the family money


  • Undermine your parenting
  • Fighting in front of the children
  • Gate keeping access to children


  • With holding sex as a punishment
  • Forcing sexual activities you do not want or like
  • Excessive jealousy
  • Accusing you of flirting or having affairs
  • Being unfaithful
  • Denying access to family planning


  • Abusive or demanding text messaging
  • On line dating while still in a relationship with you
  • Using Facebook and other social media sites to stalk you, misrepresent you
  • Inappropriate photo images
  • Going through your phone and email contact lists

Foundations for relationships based on equality

This is where both parties have equal share in any entitlements and responsibilities

Equality is not about being the same it is about placing equal value on the different roles.

Relationships are based on: Trust, Safety, Honesty, Respect and Accountability

 If you think you are in an abusive relationship – seek help.

RISE delivers services into Nelson, Motueka, Golden Bay, Marlborough, Kaikoura, and the West Coast.
Please contact our Nelson office for information.

Nelson Office

Level 3, 295 Trafalgar Street

Phone: 03 548 3850

Txt: 027 548 3850


Motueka Office

15b Courtney Street

(site of Jack Inglis Care Home)

Phone: 03 528 8976